Missing the point?

August 19, 2008


 Mark 10:19 You know the commandments: Do not kill, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not bear false witness, do not defraud, honor your father and mother.  

Mark 10:1 AND [Jesus] left there [Capernaum] and went to the region of Judea and beyond [east of] the Jordan; and crowds [constantly] gathered around Him again, and as was His custom, He began to teach them again.
Mark 10:2 And some Pharisees came up, and, in order to test Him {and} try to find a weakness in Him, asked, Is it lawful for a man to dismiss {and} repudiate {and} divorce his wife?
Mark 10:3 He answered them, What did Moses command you?
Mark 10:4 They replied, Moses allowed a man to write a bill of divorce and to put her away.
Mark 10:5 But Jesus said to them, Because of your hardness of heart [your condition of insensibility to the call of God] he wrote you this precept in your Law.
Mark 10:6 But from the beginning of creation God made them male and female.
Mark 10:7 For this reason a man shall leave [behind] his father and his mother {and be} {joined to his wife and cleave closely to her permanently,}
Mark 10:8 And the two shall become one flesh, so that they are no longer two, but one flesh.
Mark 10:9 What therefore God has united (joined together), let not man separate {or} divide.
Mark 10:10 And indoors the disciples questioned Him again about this subject.
Mark 10:11 And He said to them, Whoever dismisses (repudiates and divorces) his wife and marries another commits adultery against her;
Mark 10:12 And if a woman dismisses (repudiates and divorces) her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.

Wrongfully too many even Christian Couples get more concerned about their standard of earthly living than the quality of their spiritual life. About having a good time over time spent with the Lord Jesus Christ. They neglect God, they in fact are having an affair with the world.. So next it naturally is not remarkable they will also commit marital affairs too. because  they now next do get caught up in the supposedly stressful task of earning a living, getting ahead  and do neglect God and  each other. They now clearly do not have God’s provision, strength to handle life or their marriage.. They now also  maybe are energized at work, but tired at home. The man supposedly is now too busy  to give his wife the love she needs; or  the wife neglects giving her husband and also the same the sexual attention he needs. The next thing they know , they both even fall into adulterous sexual temptation, and seem to have set each other up for an affair. 1 Corinthians 7:2-5. When the husband fails to give his wife the unique attention she needs and the wife fails to give her husband the unique attention he needs, they create a set of circumstances that gives the devil an opportunity to tempt them to go outside the marriage for what they should be providing for each other in the marriage.  The solution firstly is getting back personally to God. Wounded marriages can be made whole but only if both off the spouses firstly get right with God. Too often that is not the case still.
Material and emotional neglect or even  being abused by a spouse is not grounds for divorce, but   any abuse it is ground for calling the police or martial separation..  material and emotional neglect is grounds for separation too.. unless you actually are the cause of it, the real instigator?

On clear Fools WHO think they can have a happy life, a happy marriage, can be doing their own thing, all without God too. Failure to daily  read and to apply  the Bible regularly as individuals and as couples seriously now leaves a point of spiritual vulnerability the devil can use to tear couples apart. Read the Bible together. In the population of people I counsel, I see less than 10 percent of the couples reading the Bible together. Failure to read the Bible regularly as individuals and as couples leaves a point of spiritual vulnerability the devil can use to tear couples apart.  Pray together , do have a brief time of prayer together at the beginning of the day, end of the day, or both times—a prayer time WILL HELP YOU TO  spiritually unite.  Be always still loving, considerate, patient with, kind to each other.  Learn to talk to each other, if you love someone you will talk to them.. Don’t try to force solutions to the problems per your demands, time, schedule even. But don’t deceive yourself into thinking problems you don’t deal with will go away. If you deny them and suppress them, they often will erode the foundation of your marriage and put distance between you. Be always verbally and physically affectionate with each other more than you are to theirs especially like your mother, father, brother and sister otherwise it will show how little you love them . . Don’t take each other for granted.  Put each other before your children. God called you to be married before He called you to be a parent.   Guard your conversation even from language that  sends the wrong kind of message to your spouse. 
(Luke 12:57 KJV) Yea, and why even of yourselves judge ye not what is right?

Mark 14:21 For the Son of Man is going as it stands written concerning Him; but woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! It would have been good (profitable and wholesome) for that man if he had never been born.

Sadly too many martial relationships today follow a very predictable pattern:

-The marriage partners push their spouse for total commitment

-They try hard get mostly what they want

-They next too often even lose interest in the sex

-They next become attracted to someone else

-They start cheating with the someone else

-They become angry and resentful for the guilt they feel

-They begin telling their original partner, spouse that they need time apart

-They mostly blame their old partner, spouse for their behavior…and eventually, after making themselves and everyone around them miserable for an indefinite, but usually, a long period of time, they do end their relationships, marriages.

Next even the new relationships and marriages will likely continue to follow this same pattern.


 Do not let the sun go done on your anger, hurts, learn how to deal with it, to resolve them.Forgiveness happens as an ongoing act of one’s will, committment. The guilty spouse must ask the offended spouse for forgiveness. The offended spouse must take the step of accepting the apology and granting forgiveness. And here if you do not forgive God will not forgive you next too. We all have many things we daily need God’s forgivess for too.

  Immediately after a forced separation this is a very dangerous time in the recovery process. Couples separated more than 3 days ate rarefy reconciled next, or healed. A lesson we learn from this is that the pleasure of an adulterous relationship, pleasure of self centeredness  is never worth the price that next  has to be paid for it!




Dream on if most of you falsely still think a new marriage may be better too.. rarely is it the case..
Now we should all know that adultery is a sin and one has to repent of it lest a worse thing next happens to them, like even more shame and more public humiliations even!!!
Clearly (Gal 6:7)  Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap.
(Luke 12:3 KJV)  Therefore whatsoever ye have spoken in darkness shall be heard in the light; and that which ye have spoken in the ear in closets shall be proclaimed upon the housetops.
 Luke 16:18 Whoever divorces (dismisses and repudiates) his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.
“For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away…” -Malachi 2:16
“Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” -Matthew 19:6
 Divorce and remarriages is always is a sin!  Perhaps you may try to think that marriage is the “old fashioned” way.  The first marriage is the “right and only way”
 To divorce your spouse is always a sin, and you will also be responsible for their sinning if they remarry.  But you can’t be held responsible for your spouse if they’re already committing the sin on their own.
 According to some  reliable sources, more married  married women these days now  have had an affair during the course of their marriage over the married men, Such acts on part of men or women are never acceptable. God still does makes people to pay a terrible price for destroying a home. Some few people  fortunately do learn the terrible price adultery extracts from everyone involved and readily conclude that whatever pleasure may be involved is never worth the price: the loss of fellowship with the Lord; potential loss of spouse and children; and, embarrassment and humiliation among friends. King David was one of them. He David confessed his sins to God and God forgive him, but he still paid negative consequences as a result too.
Psalm 39:1   A Psalm of David. I said, I will take heed to my ways, that I sin not with my tongue: I will keep my mouth with a bridle, while the wicked is before me.
2  I was dumb with silence, I held my peace, even from good; and my sorrow was stirred.
3  My heart was hot within me, while I was musing the fire burned: then spake I with my tongue,
4  LORD, make me to know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it is; that I may know how frail I am.
5  Behold, thou hast made my days as an handbreadth; and mine age is as nothing before thee: verily every man at his best state is altogether vanity. Selah.
6  Surely every man walketh in a vain show: surely they are disquieted in vain: he heapeth up riches, and knoweth not who shall gather them.
7  And now, Lord, what wait I for? my hope is in thee.
8  Deliver me from all my transgressions: make me not the reproach of the foolish.
9  I was dumb, I opened not my mouth; because thou didst it.
10  Remove thy stroke away from me: I am consumed by the blow of thine hand.
11  When thou with rebukes dost correct man for iniquity, thou makest his beauty to consume away like a moth: surely every man is vanity. Selah.
12  Hear my prayer, O LORD, and give ear unto my cry; hold not thy peace at my tears: for I am a stranger with thee, and a sojourner, as all my fathers were.
13  O spare me, that I may recover strength, before I go hence, and be no more.
If your spouse continues to commit aultery and is unrepentant, you next either divorce them or separate from them.. but you no longer live with them. Matthew 5:32, Jesus said, “But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.” 

Historically, biblically In the New Testament times, Bible  there was also no practice of polygamy amongst any of the Christians or the apostles, church leaders. 

Polygamy ALSO IS A SIN, is wrong because it necessarily involves adultery. That is why it  and homsexuality is not specifically banned anywhere in the New testament Bible – because it is covered by the applicable old testament laws that deal with adultery and homsexuality .
If you have sex with someone other than your wife then it is adultery, and simply going through a ceremony, even if it is legally valid, cannot make that second woman into a wife in the eyes of God.
Adultery is stealing the sex that does not belong to you, it belongs to another man or women.
99.9 percent of the Christians have never practiced polygamy for centuries now too and that alone should have been quite explicit the clear condemnation of polygamy.     

 (Lev 21:7 KJV)  They shall not take a wife that is a whore, or profane; neither shall they take a woman put away from her husband: for he is holy unto his God.

In the ongoing secular societies of today sex sins, specially sex outside of marriage, adultery  is personally still taken much too lightly, but these sins for Christians also do have real, serious negative consequences, the disapproval of God clearly indicated now in the Bible. In reality when one has indulged in adultery, one has tended to also simultaneously or previously indulged in many other unacceptable sins now too.  Over 55 percent of evangelical pastors have committed adultery now too in North America… and it is no wonder they wrongfully tend to counsel divorce too.
The mouth of strange women is a deep pit: he that is abhorred of the LORD shall fall therein. (Proverbs 22:14 KJV)
Don’t even look at any “strange women.” If you do, you will utter perverse things.  Proverbs 23:33
(Exo 20:14 KJV)  Thou shalt not commit adultery.





Mark 10:20 And he replied to Him, Teacher, I have carefully guarded {and} observed all these {and} taken care not to violate them from my boyhood. 21  And Jesus, looking upon him, loved him, and He said to him, You lack one thing; go and sell all you have and give [the money] to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come [and] accompany Me [walking the same road that I walk].   

Mark 10:23 And Jesus looked around and said to His disciples, With what difficulty will those who possess wealth {and} keep on holding it enter the kingdom of God!



  1. More food for thought

    (Mat 10:36 KJV) And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household.

    It does not say might be, can be.. but it says will be..

    (Micah 3:5 KJV) Thus saith the LORD concerning the prophets that make my people err, that bite with their teeth, and cry, Peace; and he that putteth not into their mouths, they even prepare war against him.

    One of the greatest Christian author’s in the world, Author of Pilgrim’s Progress, the english book second to the Bible its seems, John Bunyan the preacher, his own wife did not go along with him.. or for certainty the Pilgrim’s own wife he wrote about..

    Sadly I know from my own real experiences that After a person dies he tends to be too often falsely exalted as a saint by some next even though in reality he was a demon still on earth.. cause you are not to speak ill of the dead? nor are you to lie.

    One way or the other.. Yes, there is only conjecture, speculation as to their actual supposed spirituality.. there is no accurate source for ANY OF John Bunyan’s wives actual spirituality except John Bunyan SUPPOSEDLY himself who is dead.. no other writers.. .. and he John Bunyan was no saint in his marriage with his first wife Mary too undeniably.. secondly it is generally accepted that John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s progress was about his own spiritual journey so I have to assume it was still that of his own wife’s now too, after all this great preacher was not a LIAR FOR SURE… he like me wrote about things he knew and experienced..

    now about Kind David’s wife (2 Sam 6:12 KJV) And it was told king David, saying, The LORD hath blessed the house of Obededom, and all that pertaineth unto him, because of the ark of God. So David went and brought up the ark of God from the house of Obededom into the city of David with gladness. 13 And it was so, that when they that bare the ark of the LORD had gone six paces, he sacrificed oxen and fatlings. 14 And David danced before the LORD with all his might; and David was girded with a linen ephod. 15 So David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the LORD with shouting, and with the sound of the trumpet. 16 And as the ark of the LORD came into the city of David, Michal Saul’s daughter looked through a window, and saw king David leaping and dancing before the LORD; and she despised him in her heart. 17 And they brought in the ark of the LORD, and set it in his place, in the midst of the tabernacle that David had pitched for it: and David offered burnt offerings and peace offerings before the LORD. 18 And as soon as David had made an end of offering burnt offerings and peace offerings, he blessed the people in the name of the LORD of hosts. 19 And he dealt among all the people, even among the whole multitude of Israel, as well to the women as men, to every one a cake of bread, and a good piece of flesh, and a flagon of wine. So all the people departed every one to his house. 20 Then David returned to bless his household. And Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David, and said, How glorious was the king of Israel to day, who uncovered himself to day in the eyes of the handmaids of his servants, as one of the vain fellows shamelessly uncovereth himself! 21 And David said unto Michal, It was before the LORD, which chose me before thy father, and before all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the LORD, over Israel: therefore will I play before the LORD. 22 And I will yet be more vile than thus, and will be base in mine own sight: and of the maidservants which thou hast spoken of, of them shall I be had in honour. 23 Therefore Michal the daughter of Saul had no child unto the day of her death.

    and Job’s wife too.. (Job 2:10 KJV) But he said unto her, Thou speakest as one of the foolish women speaketh. What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? In all this did not Job sin with his lips.

    and we have Lot’s bad wife.. but there is no direct biblical condemnation now about Lot..

    (Luke 17:32 KJV) Remember Lot’s wife.

    (Luke 17:33 KJV) Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it.

    (Luke 17:34 KJV) I tell you, in that night there shall be two men in one bed; the one shall be taken, and the other shall be left.

    Great spiritual men who clearly had bad wives but still they were not a reflection on the husband personally!

    (Lev 21:7 KJV) They shall not take a wife that is a whore, or profane; neither shall they take a woman put away from her husband: for he is holy unto his God.

    A great prophet had even married and slept with a prostitute at God’s command..

    (Hosea 1:2 KJV) The beginning of the word of the LORD by Hosea. And the LORD said to Hosea, Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms: for the land hath committed great whoredom, departing from the LORD.

    Comment by thenonconformer — August 20, 2008 @ 4:50 am

  2. Before you hypocritically now try to correct, rebuke your spouse, you must first insure that you are right before God, that you have dealt with your owns sins, cause rightfully next all of your words will be hollow, not ring true, will be infective still.. reality!!!

    “Implementing Tough Love with Your Spouse

    What should you do when your spouse is behaving in a harsh and insensitive manner toward you and does not respond to your requests for change? How should you respond when your mate daily demonstrates little or no respect for you or is verbally abusive? What should you do when your spouse is using drugs, alcohol, viewing pornography, or when an adulterous relationship is revealed? Should you do nothing and act like it’s not happening? Should you simply try to forgive and sweep it under the rug or should you respond by taking some action? Is there an effective way of responding to these kinds of circumstances? Yes! You should respond with tough love.

    Many of you have probably heard the term tough love used in conversation. But, what does it mean to demonstrate tough love? What does tough love do? Can a Christian be tough and loving at the same time? The answer is yes.

    However, before you try and apply the principles of tough love to your marriage, let me explain the biblical model for this means of correction. The best way to observe tough love in action is to look at how God has dealt with men and women in the Scripture. He is our ultimate role model for tough love. After you have a biblical view of God’s tough love then you will understand how to apply these principles to your spouse.

    How does God use tough love with His children?

    1. God speaks.

    Whenever God’s people have rebelled against Him He has always first verbally reproved them for their evil. Love will never remain silent. For example, when King Manasseh led the entire nation of Israel into idolatry, “the Lord spoke to Manasseh and his people, but they would not listen” (2 Chron. 33:10). God’s love reached out with words of reproof to spare the nation from the trouble ahead.

    Why does God always begin His correction with words? For two basic reasons: First, because words are God’s gentle but tough way to draw His people back to Himself. The Lord said of His people, “I drew them with gentle cords, with bands of love” (Hos. 11:4). His gentle way is why He tells us, “By long forbearance a ruler is persuaded, and a gentle tongue breaks a bone” (Prov. 25:15).

    Second, God uses words because they are His primary method of instruction and correction in turning His people back to righteousness. Paul declared that, “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness” (2 Tim. 3:16). Therefore, one of the most important purposes of God’s Word is to correct His people.

    Granted, some of the messages of correction that God speaks in His Word are difficult, but that is what tough love is all about. Someone has to speak the truth in love and give a person the opportunity to respond.

    2. God requires a decision and waits for a response.

    After God speaks to His people He asks for a decision and then He graciously and patiently waits for a response. Notice how this worked out when Elijah confronted the prophets of Baal. The prophet first used tough love by verbally confronting the people and then asked them to make a decision. Elijah asked, “‘How long will you falter between two opinions? If the Lord is God, follow Him; but if Baal, follow him.’ But the people answered him not a word” (1 Kings 18:21). Then the prophet confronted the idolaters so that the people had sufficient time to make their decision. The Lord doesn’t say choose and then the moment someone refuses to choose He drops the hammer on them. No, He gives people “time to repent” as He did with the church of Thyatira and their sin of adultery (Rev. 2:21).

    Patiently waiting is where tough love becomes difficult on the person exercising it, because we usually all want an immediate response. However, tough love waits and hopes that the words of correction will take hold of the heart. Tough love waits for a correct decision to be made so that change may occur. Asking for a decision and waiting is the way God shows people grace in the midst of their sin.

    One of the best examples of where the Lord required change and then waited patiently is when He spoke to the church of Laodicea. He saw their great spiritual need and told them He wanted them either hot or cold. He counseled them to seek His righteousness and repent of their self-sufficiency. Then Jesus ended with: “As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. Therefore be zealous and repent. Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me” (Rev. 3:15-20). Notice that it was love that motivated Jesus to verbally rebuke His people and yet love also waited at the door for them to hear His voice and respond.

    3. God takes indirect action.

    But, when there is no response to His gentle reproof God then takes indirect action to correct His people. Some of the indirect action that God chooses is hard to handle, but He has one purpose in mind, to bring that wayward soul back to Him. God takes indirect action by first dealing with the things or circumstances around the rebellious person. For example sometimes the Lord will simply withhold His blessings as He did by not giving rain to the Israelites so their crops would die (Deut. 11:17). This indirect action would have shown the people their need and hopefully turn their hearts back to Him.

    Now you may be thinking, Is correction really a sign of God’s love? Remember, God is the one who said, “For whom the Lord loves He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives” (Heb. 12:6). Therefore, tough love corrects those it loves by withholding what it intended to give (Matt. 13:58; Haggai 1:7-11).

    4. God takes direct action.

    When God’s words, patience and indirect correction fail to produce the change necessary, then God’s tough love increases. He now deals directly with His sinning child. He will bring direct correction and allow the consequences of a person’s rebellion to come upon them. Again, God takes direct action to correct His people because He possesses an enduring love that desires the best for them (Ps. 84:11).

    If men are to respect God and His Word then He must hold them accountable to the covenant they have made with Him. God doesn’t beg or force people, because these actions never produce a decision based in love. If God did use force or begging to change people they would be motivated by fear or guilt to follow Him, not love. There is only one thing God wants from mankind: a decision to have a relationship based in love. Jesus quoted from Deuteronomy 6:5, which expressed the desire of God’s heart: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind” (Matt. 22:37). But, His love never forces or twists someone’s arm to make them love Him. All men must come freely and voluntarily because of love.

    An example of God’s direct correction is that instead of simply withholding His blessings from the Israelites He now brings direct correction by allowing Israel to be defeated by her enemies (Jer. 30:14). Another example of direct correction is when God destroyed the crops of His people by using mildew and hail (Hag. 2:17).

    5. God ultimately gives the person over to their own desires.

    The final step of God’s tough love is to allow a person or nation to completely go their own way. God declared that the Israelites had come to this point when He said, “In vain have I smitten your children; they received no correction” (Jer. 2:30). He then allowed the nation to experience the consequences of their choices, be removed from their land, and go into captivity. Why? Because in His love He will not force a person to respond to Him nor will He continually pursue or beg someone to follow His will. This is why God eventually “forsook the tabernacle of Shiloh” (Ps. 78:60). Why? The Lord said, “But My people would not heed My voice, and Israel would have none of Me. So I gave them over to their own stubborn heart, to walk in their own counsels” (Ps. 81:11-12). It is a sad commentary on what happens to those who stubbornly walk in rebellion, but it is reality.

    When you read the New Testament you will find that Jesus used the same tough love with those who resisted Him. He first sought to correct the Pharisees’ by verbally reproving them through His teaching. He then waited three and a half years for their decision to repent. Finally, Jesus declared to them: “Your house is left to you desolate; and assuredly, I say to you, you shall not see Me until the time comes when you say, ‘Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!’” (Luke 13:35). In other words, His final message to them was, I’m leaving you to your own devices, but if you ever want to see me again you must acknowledge that I have come in the name of the Lord. One day the Jews as a nation will acknowledge Him as their Messiah (Ps. 118:26; Zech. 12:10).

    Remember, judgment is always God’s last resort as He declared through the Prophet Ezekiel: “‘For I have no pleasure in the death of one who dies,’ says the Lord God. ‘Therefore turn and live!’” (Eze. 18:32). God’s desire is that His people turn and live, not die. But, He has also declared that there are consequences to sinful and rebellious behavior. His tough love works and labors to draw men to Himself until as He declared there is “no remedy” (2 Chron. 36:15-16).

    Should God’s people also use tough love?

    The answer to this question is a resounding yes! Jesus said, “For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you” (John 13:15). Husbands, wives, parents, and all people must use tough love with one another when sinful behavior persists in these relationships. You are being conformed into the image of Christ, and therefore, you should ask Him to help you respond lovingly and yet firmly to those who persist in unloving or ungodly behavior. Now let’s apply tough love to some of the serious problems that occur in marriage.

    How do you exercise tough love?

    To begin with, let me first say that any of the practical guidance I’m about to give you must be taken and applied with prayer and the confirming counsel of your pastor. There are many varied circumstances that must be taken into account as you apply the following advice. Allow your pastor or counselor to read this article and help you work through the specific strategies you will take with your spouse.

    1. A harsh or unloving spouse.

    Begin by sitting down with your spouse at an opportune time when you are alone and verbally express your love and desire to change your marriage. I know that this is difficult to do because you don’t want to start a conflict, but this is where tough love must always begin. Encourage him or her to think back to times when things were better and happier between you. Ask for his or her input as to how the marriage might return to those days.

    Next, seek reconciliation over any past unresolved issues between you. Acknowledge your faults first before you point out your mate’s shortcomings. I know this may be difficult, but tough love also requires you to take a hard look at yourself. The unresolved issues in your relationship may be partly your fault, and therefore, you must do what Jesus said, first examine yourself (Matt. 7:5).

    In addition, make any changes that are necessary to stir up greater friendship, companionship, and intimacy with your mate (Matt. 7:12). Again, this is hard to do when you may believe that your spouse has caused most of the problems in your marriage. But, if you want change you must do whatever will promote change.

    If there is no response after all of your verbal encouragement and your own practical change, wait a period of time and have the same conversation again. This is the example the Lord set in dealing with the Israelites. Read Psalms 106 for an example of God speaking over and over again to His people. Longsuffering and patient loving reproof is at the heart of tough love.

    But, I know what you are thinking right now, What should I do if all these approaches fail and there is no change? This is when you bring in the outside help of a friend or an elder of your church to intervene. Doing this is an indirect way of allowing others to encourage or reprove your spouse. The biblical basis for this step is revealed in Matthew 18:15-17. In this passage Jesus taught His disciples that when a conflict would arise between two people the first step was for the offended person to go to the other alone and explain the offense. If that failed to bring repentance and change, he should take another person with him and try again. If this approach failed to bring any change then you should take the last step of asking your pastor to go with you to approach him or her. At this time your spouse has a serious decision to make. Will he or she respond to God’s voice or reject it. If your spouse rejects the encouragement and reproof of your pastor, Jesus said that this person is to be considered a heathen or a non-Christian.

    Tough love at this point means that you must choose to live peaceably with your spouse as long as he or she is pleased to dwell with you (1 Cor. 7:12-13). This is what Paul declared should be the behavior of all believers that are treated unfairly by others: “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men” (Rom. 12:18). In this case, all men would include your spouse. If your spouse is not pleased to dwell with you, Paul declared, “Let him depart” (1 Cor. 7:15). For a more extensive look at dealing with an uncooperative spouse please refer to appendix A in my book, Married and How To Stay That Way.

    2. An addicted spouse.

    When dealing with a spouse who is addicted to drugs or alcohol you should first exercise all my previous counsel with the following additions. When you have your conversation with your spouse, tough love will require you to strongly encourage drug or alcohol treatment. Requiring some formal treatment is especially important if detoxification is necessary. In addition, you should require your spouse to begin counseling with your pastor or someone in your church who has a ministry to addicts. Then wait for your spouse to give you a decision. Are they willing to take these actions? It is essential that they do because very few individuals break their drug or alcohol habits by themselves. There are specific reasons why your spouse drinks or uses drugs. He or she must talk to someone so it can be determined why the decision has been made to turn to these substances to find relief and peace instead of seeking the Prince of Peace.

    If your spouse chooses to get treatment and begins to go to counseling it is best to wait to see the results of these steps. Even though there will be times of temptation or even set backs when he or she falls into old habits, tough love endures. However, if their substance abuse does not change or creates a safety issue for you or your children, you may have to temporarily remove yourself or your mate from the home (Ps. 12:5). If you must remove yourself or your spouse it is a clear indicator to your mate that you will not allow his or her behavior to destroy your life and the lives of your children. However, leaving the home should always to be your last option.

    3. An abusive spouse.

    When there is physical or sexual abuse occurring in a marriage the need for action on the part of the abused partner is essential. Physical or sexual abuse is a crime, and therefore, is never to be excused, rationalized away, or allowed to continue. I would encourage you to first go to http://www.covenantkeepers.org and read the article entitled, Dealing with an Abusive Spouse. This article will give you more specific encouragement and detailed instruction for this serious situation.

    Safety for you and your children is again the most important issue for you to consider. Don’t fool yourself into thinking it can’t get any worse than it is. Yes, it can get worse! An abusive person is one that is out of control and is a very real threat to you. He or she does not control their desires, anger, impulses, or decisions. You are the one who must take control of your life and make the right decisions. You need to remove yourself or have your spouse removed from the home because this is not a safe situation.

    Tough love may also require you to take direct legal action to obtain a restraining order if your spouse threatens your life or to abduct your children. Action such as this is clearly within your right as a believer. Scripture teaches that when there is a crime such as murder, rape, or incest disclosed to you or someone threatens you with such offenses you should go to the police. These acts are not only an offense against God and His Word, but they are a violation of the laws of our land. Moses encouraged people to report crimes like these to the judges of the land (Lev. 20:1-5; Deut. 13:6-8). Reporting a crime will allow the natural consequences of your spouse’s behavior to come upon them. It is also important to note that Paul appealed to the authority of a Roman Centurion when he found out that men had threatened to kill him (Acts 23:12-22). He also appealed to Caesar when he was unjustly treated in a court of law (Acts 25:11). Therefore, protect yourself if you are threatened with all the legal help available to you.

    4. An adulterous spouse.

    If your spouse has just announced that he or she is having a sexual relationship with someone or you suspect that it is occurring, what should you do? What are your alternatives? You can plead, cry, beg, nag, or go along with his or her sinful behavior. However, all these alternatives will only cause your mate to lose respect for you and will only embolden them to further sinful behavior. Your only alternative is to treat your spouse the way God did the children of Israel. What did He do?

    God verbally confronted the Israelites with their spiritual adultery and ungodliness in the hope that there might be reconciliation. He made it clear that they must turn from their behavior if they wanted their relationship with Him to continue (Jer. 29:23). Remember, this is always where tough love begins. Explain to your spouse that the most fundamental requirement for resolving the issues in the marriage is that the adulterous relationship must cease. If your mate wants to save his or her marriage this must be the first step.

    Then God explained the destruction and tribulation that would occur as a result of their adultery (Rev. 2:2). You must do the same. Help your mate to understand that divorce will bring pain and destruction to the entire family.

    The Lord then confirmed His love and waited to see their response (Jer. 31:3). If there is no repentance and a turning away from the adulterous relationship then this behavior is proof that a decision has been made to continue in the adultery. Don’t listen to the words of repentance; look for the action that the relationship has been cut off. If it is not, then separation and divorce is the only alternative. Taking such action is always when you have exhausted all options and there is no remedy to be found (2 Chron. 36:15-16). Notice the warning God gave to adulterous Judah of impending divorce just as He had already done with the Northern kingdom of Israel. The Lord warned Judah: “Have you seen what backsliding Israel has done? She has gone up on every high mountain and under every green tree, and there played the harlot. And I said, after she had done all these things, ‘Return to Me.’ But she did not return. And her treacherous sister Judah saw it. Then I saw that for all the causes for which backsliding Israel had committed adultery, I had put her away and given her a certificate of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear, but went and played the harlot also… And yet for all this her treacherous sister Judah has not turned to Me with her whole heart, but in pretense” (Jer. 3:6-10). What a sad commentary on the nature of mankind that, like the land of Judah, we don’t seem to learn the lessons of others and force God to correct us.

    Remember, tough love always begins with speaking the truth in love (Eph 4:15). Tough love never is harsh or offensive when it speaks, but will always be strong and yet kind in its stand for what is right (1 Cor. 13:4). Tough love never forces, plays games, manipulates, or begs. Even when your tough love is resisted and you allow the consequences of your mate’s actions to come upon them, you must still be gracious and ready to forgive if they change their mind and turn from their sinful behavior (Ps. 86:5). Love must be the basis for all your actions when using tough love. May God give you grace to always stand for what is right and good and to do so with His enduring love. For further insight into this subject please read, Love Must Be Tough by James Dobson, Word Books.


    Comment by thenonconformer — September 21, 2008 @ 10:55 am

  3. Same arguementative People want me to define what Polygamy and adultery firstly means.. just a false play on words too..

    Yes it in the New Testament still means having sex wrongfully with someone you are not entitled to have sex with..

    (James 4:4 KJV) Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.

    (1 Tim 1:9 KJV) Knowing this, that the law is not made for a righteous man, but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and for sinners, for unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of mothers, for manslayers, 10 For whoremongers, for them that defile themselves with mankind, for menstealers, for liars, for perjured persons, and if there be any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine;

    (Heb 13:4 KJV) Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

    (Rev 21:8 KJV) But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

    (Rev 22:15 KJV) For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

    Read the references

    http://pbulow.tripod.com/adultery.html http://pbulow.tripod.com/polygamy.htm

    Comment by thenonconformer — September 22, 2008 @ 3:38 am

  4. For some reason, OFTEN ENCOURAGED TO DO SO BY THE FALSE PREACHERS, too many a professing Christian wrongfuly still do think that God by grace will both overlook their ignorance , and sins.. even though there is no Bible verse to that effect.. God has already clearly now also said what a man sows, he will reap as a reward, both the good and the bad is included.. sow nothing and you will reap nothing… that applies to your home, marriage too..

    (Prov 9:13 KJV) A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing.

    (Gal 6:7 KJV) Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.

    (Prov 6:32 KJV) But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul.

    (Prov 6:33 KJV) A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away.

    Comment by thenonconformer — September 22, 2008 @ 10:37 am

  5. A new marriage does not negate the marriage joined by God. A new “marriage” is not a valid marriage while the first spouse is living. Jesus called that relationship adultery—–because the original marriage is still intact—-in GOD’s eyes. The church is too often walking in great deception and sin when it practises divorce!

    Comment by Cindy — September 24, 2008 @ 7:26 pm

  6. “Perhaps one of the greatest heresies of our day arises from a theological ignorance with respect to the Bible’s teaching on sanctification. While .. Many (Falsely) simply operate under the assumption that obedience, repentance, love for God’s law, and mortification of sin are unnecessary addendums to true faith, reserved for a special class of “spiritual Christians”, yet still optional for those “carnal Christians” who embrace Christ as Savior but refuse Him as Lord. How does (anyone,) Ryrie respond to the New Testament texts, especially in the gospels, which so obviously teach that both a change of mind and heart are necessary consequences of justifying faith? … While inconsistent dispensationalists can and do believe in the necessity of repentance, the logical conclusions of classic dispensationalism yield the kind of devastating errors which sees faith as nothing more than a change of mind with regards to the facts of the gospel. ” http://covenantgrace.blogspot.com/2008/02/some-of-puritans-believed-that.html

    Ongoing continual personal repentance for sins is not optional.. but a necessary subjection

    (1 Cor 9:27 KJV) But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway. (Heb 12:9 KJV) Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?

    (Eph 5:24 KJV) Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

    (1 Pet 3:1 KJV) Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; (1 Pet 3:5 KJV) For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:

    Comment by thenonconformer — September 24, 2008 @ 7:44 pm

  7. […] ADULTERY,  Abortion of older children, teens too,        […]

    Pingback by My most active, past top posts « Posted at wordpress.com — September 29, 2008 @ 9:27 pm

  8. […] ADULTERY,  Abortion of older children, teens too,      […]

    Pingback by My most active, past top posts « Focus on the Family — September 29, 2008 @ 9:31 pm

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