Missing the point?

July 26, 2008

my teenager smokes, does not listen to me

  
Many persons complain that my teenager smokes, does not listen to me..  obviously he also does not listen to God , the teenager does not know how to communicate with God now next too. You still need to pray for Him that God will deal with him..  
   
(Prov 22:6 KJV)  Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
 
Understandably too many persons are discontented unhappy today with themselves ,and others and they basically have a God shaped vacuum that they are trying to fill in with alcohol, bad drugs, verbal abuse , power, control, sex, smoking or whatever, and none of this counterfeit fulfillment will even help to make for their own personal lasting happiness too.
 
Well in love you also do need to set down some rules, and hold to them  such as if you live under my roof, eat my bread, you abide by my rules.. or you do not get to eat, sleep here.. and you need to deal with their theft likely too, such as where are they getting the money for the cigarettes..
 
Being nice. kind, friendly  to a really bad person  is still also a complete waste of time, for they will not change their negative behaviors on their own, they see   no reasons to do so now still too. Sad but true. We cannot never control a bad person, a drug addict or an alcoholic, but we can learn all about it and learn firstly to control our own behavior, appropriate reponses –including how we should behave in the relationship with the  sick and suffering and /or possibly manipulative addict or alcoholic, abuser..
 
 
I personally had never smoked because my parents had never let me and when I grew up and became an adult next I saw no good reason to smoke,  saw next only plenty of bad ones, such it is bad for your health, shortens your life too.
 
Establish Boundaries, Set Limits, Set detachement.  One example of setting a boundary is telling a close friend, aloved one  that you prefer they not be around you if they are smoking,  drunk or high. Notice that it is specific deamnd, and you have to sit down and communicate this type of request explicitly with that someone. Setting a boundary like this is difficult because there is this tendency to hurt other’s feelings. But that is part of what is keeping you ineffective– your caring more about this person’s feelings than your own personal well being. Setting boundaries is about putting your own personal well being and even that of others first, and letting that be a guiding example of how to live. You know you are setting effective boundaries when you are taking back control of your own life firstly and starting to regain your own sanity–instead of being all wrapped up in the problems of a struggling smoker, rebel, drug addict or alcoholic.
 
“Here are some things that you can do in order to practice detachment with the struggling pervert in your life:
-Don’t do things that they should be doing themselves.
-Don’t bend over backwards to rescue them or save them from natural consequences.
-Don’t cover up for their mistakes or embarrassing situations.
-Don’t rescue them from crisis or financial situations.
-Don’t try to fix them.
-Let go of any guilt you may have about them
Detachment is not about denying your emotions. If someone close to you dies, for example, you will probably feel sad. You can’t choose this feeling. It simply is. But we do have the power to affect the intensity of this feeling, by focusing on the positive aspects of the situation. We can also change our thinking in an attempt to eradicate irrational beliefs that might be contributing to our emotional turmoil.
The goal is not to go without emotions, the goal is to achieve some level of emotional stability. We are detaching from the negative, irrational thoughts that stir up our emotions–like the guilt we might have if we think someone’s perversity, addiction is our fault.
Detachment is difficult and takes practice.”
  
Parents clearly have responsibility to bring up their children themselves  properly.. including a proper religious education
  
– They the parents need to prepare their children for real life..
 
– thus also they need to prepare their children to be able to have a decent job, by getting a decent education
 
– and they the parents also do need to bring up their children for marriage too, not falsely spoiling them..  Sadly many children do not even know next as adult how to cook, prepare a meal, sew, clean a house, they still even lack the discipline to even do so next..   
  

(Deu 5:29 KJV)  O that there were such an heart in them, that they would fear me, and keep all my commandments always, that it might be well with them, and with their children for ever! 

(Deu 31:13 KJV)  And that their children, which have not known any thing, may hear, and learn to fear the LORD your God, as long as ye live in the land whither ye go over Jordan to possess it. 

(1 Chr 9:23 KJV)  So they and their children had the oversight of the gates of the house of the LORD, namely, the house of the tabernacle, by wards.(2 Chr 20:13 KJV)  And all Judah stood before the LORD, with their little ones, their wives, and their children.                         

(2 Chr 25:4 KJV)  But he slew not their children, but did as it is written in the law in the book of Moses, where the LORD commanded, saying, The fathers shall not die for the children, neither shall the children die for the fathers, but every man shall die for his own sin.

(Psa 78:4 KJV)  We will not hide them from their children, showing to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done.

(Psa 78:5 KJV)  For he established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children:

(Psa 78:6 KJV)  That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should arise and declare them to their children:

(Jer 32:18 KJV)  Thou showest lovingkindness unto thousands, and recompensest the iniquity of the fathers into the bosom of their children after them: the Great, the Mighty God, the LORD of hosts, is his name,

(Jer 32:39 KJV)  And I will give them one heart, and one way, that they may fear me for ever, for the good of them, and of their children after them:

 (1 Tim 3:12 KJV)  Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.

(Titus 2:4 KJV)  That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,

 (Rev 3:19 KJV)  As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.

 http://www.spiritualriver.com/how-can-i-help-an-alcoholic-or-drug-addict-specific-things-you-can-do-to-help/

 http://thefocusonthefamily.wordpress.com/2008/07/27/can-a-person-change/

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1 Comment »

  1. […] my teenager smokes, does not listen to me Summary: How to help a teenager that does not listen or how to make a bad person change to a good person.. are some of the very common search questions for this topic now too.. the critical word being change.. you can give wise verbal instruction to a wise person, or some kind of a reward incentive, but still he may or may not next listen to it and follow it.. a foolish persons certainly will not listen for a start.. but you cannot hope to change anyone still by yourself without God’s help, input in reality. […]

    Pingback by Quartlerly Update - Christian Posts « Posted at wordpress.com — August 9, 2008 @ 3:27 pm


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